Sweet, Sweet Poison

As some of you know, this summer I have the privilege to be the Youth Intern at my church. This is a a full-time (40 hours a week) job in which I help out our youth pastor with whatever he needs to do (it's more involved than that, but that's not what this blog is about). As some of you also know, my dad owns an apiary ("bee farm" for the uninitiated). Now, there's a lot of work to be done during the summer, and this leads my dad to ask/tell me to help out.

As I said before, I have a full-time job. Sure, it's not the most hectic or stressful job, but it is still a real, full-time job. And then my dad comes in and tells me I have to get up at 5:50 to help the guys get ready to go out and work with the bees? What the heck? And I need to work with the bees on my days off as well? Are you kidding me? This was my reaction (it still is, in unguarded moments). And this is where the title of this blog comes in.

As a fallen person, I have learned how sweet it is to dwell on the wrongs that have been done to me. To feel that sense of righteous anger and indignation, to think about all the things you could say to expose the injustice for what it is, to imagine the complete vindication you will experience at the end of days when everything is set right and everyone will acknowledge that you shouldn't have had to work with the bees that summer. Glorious... anyways, and in all seriousness, it is pleasurable to do these things. But it is absolutely poisonous.

These thoughts can kill you inside. Dwelling on the perceived injustice of the situation can and will keep you from adjusting, from making the best of it and moving on. Your progress in becoming more Christ-like will come to a complete halt as all of your mental faculties are focused on how incredibly unfair the situation is. You will justify your behavior, thinking that yes, you know that you're supposed to be a servant, but certainly not in these circumstances, not when the situation is so obviously unfair to you. And unless you catch it, you won't even realize how ridiculous it is. And even then, after you catch it, it's incredibly easy to slip back into it. It's addictively sweet--and the sweetness masks the poison.

I'm still struggling with this. I hope that God will give me the strength to be a servant this summer without complaining. It's easier to stop if you never get in the habit of doing it.